Spitwads

Business Insider published an article July 15, 2010 called:

“22 Statistics That Prove the Middle Class is Being Systematically Wiped Out of Existence in America”

Read it here: http://www.businessinsider.com/22-statistics-that-prove-the-middle-class-is-being-systematically-wiped-out-of-existence-in-america-2010-7#ixzz0tmnkkJtM

So in honor of my extermination, and probably yours too, let’s take a closer look and see if it’s true.

To begin, let’s examine one of the “inciting events” the author gives for our death sentence:

“What do most Americans have to offer in the marketplace other than their labor?  Not much.  The truth is that most Americans are absolutely dependent on someone else giving them a job.  But today, U.S. workers are “less attractive” than ever.”

I’m not a smart dresser, particularly since I started working for myself—in fact, when I was told recently that the dress code for a gathering was “business casual,” I had to clarify that it didn’t mean boxer briefs, an open robe, two-fisted coffee, and tousled hair.

(Click Odd Todd below for more.)

But “less attractive?!” C’mon, now, what’s not to like? Maybe I’m depressed and struggling…okay, a bit grungy too…But at least I know the chemical name of caffeine (it’s 1-3-7-trimethylxanthine).

I guess “absolutely dependent” on someone else isn’t exactly right either…most of my friends (most of whom are unemployed and but with “good personalities”) have started their own businesses. It’s the wave of the future, you know, and only smart people do it. Are any of us successful? Well…give us a break. We just got started. Who defines success by making money anyway.

I’m not dead yet and I’m going down fighting.

Next up: Statistic Number 1 of 22 that I’m being exterminated.

The Riot Act was originally penned to disperse back row middle class slobs like me from meeting together, sharing woes, and getting rowdy for change. The Act wasn’t considered official unless it was followed by “God Save the King”—and of course that’s exactly who the Act was intended to protect.

With two Masters degrees under my belt, marketable experience in three careers, unemployed experience for almost a year, consequently starting two businesses and working harder and longer hours than I ever have, homeschooling, food stamps, foreclosure, Medicaid and insurancelessness, debt collectors, cars falling apart, and well-meaning people who suggest maybe its time I “find a job,” I feel the need to amend King George’s Riot Act a smidge:

God save business-first Christian organizations who fire for “economic reasons” and then rehire a bunch of new people.

God save Bank of America and the other financial institutions who manage their money worse than me.

God save the lifestyle-poor rich folk who “can barely make it as it is.”

God save us all who wish for our ridiculous, stressed-out, trinket-grubbing lives back.